I Say A "Fat" American Is A Happy American

Today, my aunt told me that I was too fat to get married in Korea.

To which I replied, "It's a good thing that I'm not getting married in Korea."

Mind you, this was after taking me out to a hearty dinner of bin deh dduk (mung bean cakes), sam gyup sal (pork belly) and kimchi, and mandoo gok (dumpling soup).  She was even trying to convince me to eat the last lonely dumpling -- it was a chubby little guy sitting a big bowl of soup by himself (yes, I think dumplings are male) -- because she was too full.

I pointed out that the mixed messages were confusing.  Growing up, relatives would always tell me, "Eat lots, Sharon!" and then immediately chastise me for being too chubby.  Grandmothers love if you eat whatever they put in front of you.  You're also not supposed to waste food.  But if you somehow, inexplicably become fat in the midst of all of this obligatory eating, you are some sort of freakish anomaly, one who has committed a cardinal sin against Korean-kind.  You have gained weight!  Damn.  How could you?!?!  Somebody cue the dramatic music please.  I mean seriously, it's enough to give a kid any number of psychological complexes.  Take your pick: low self-esteem, anxiety, ocd, schizophrenia... the list goes on I'm sure.  

So my aunt tells me that the whole "eat lots" thing is just something adults say, you know, as a courtesy or for general well-meaning encouragement.  Apparently, it is not something to be taken literally.  I guess there are a lot of those things in Korea, like if somebody says that you're more than welcome to come stay with them.  It's not actually supposed to be an act of hospitality, but the mere semblance of it.  You're not supposed to take them up on it because then you're the one who is considered to be ill-mannered or discourteous.  I don't know.  Comprehending and mastering social graces here is not a simple task.  It just makes me wonder why people would go around all the time saying things that they don't really mean.  

In any case, I told my aunt that it's okay if people in Korea think that I'm too fat or that I need to lose weight.  I came here fully expecting to be a Fat American, at which point she laughed.  She must've thought it was a joke, but you'd better believe that I meant every single word.  Because on the inside, I will always feel like this: